Текст песни Михаил Жванецкий - Как Мы выбираем жену

It all starts with what suddenly pulls the body.
And obviously to the side, not in the direction of the gaze.
You turn around in surprise.
An inconspicuous creature, a freckled muzzle, caulked legs, red hands, a cracked mouth, whitish cilia ...
All this in the dust, in the sand ...
Fifteen times you look in the direction of your gaze.
Compare thoughts with recommendations.
And, the body, like a damned one, with stubbornness so far unprecedented, pulls you to a caulk creature ...

Everything on it creeps, slides, twists, everything is worn out, trampled, nibbled in ink, or in paint, or in carbolic.
But it’s going north from you - neat, fragrant, on legs, with a book, in a hat and mobile phone.
You, of course, soberly understanding, are ready to catch up and joke.
And somehow, for a book, a hat and a mobile phone, clinging and sorting out, get to the face, to the lips, to the phone, bye ...
But all this is without an organism.
Your body is there.
Without an organism you are nobody.
And there is still a huge incentive - there they spit on you.
In that caulked place. They don’t understand at all - what do you want?
You immediately turn into a donkey chewing nearby all day.
You understand with your whole head what you need there, to your mobile phone.
But hands get cold, feet get cold.
One moo is heard from the muzzle: “Let me help ... Let me paint
this fence is with you ... what's your name? ”
Just to touch, just to breathe this feather grass, this wormwood,
this whitish heat and steppe and dust.
Lord, how to move away? Who will tear?
You begin to graze nearby.
Don’t follow, you are whipped, chased, cursed - parents already.
You tell them about the prospects, show some papers,
lend them money - and all this, without taking your hands off the cannabis bitch.
Trembling, you go to church, to the registry office, to some private courtyard on Moldavanka ...
Some brother, some uncle, some dog ...
And a wild bed with a feather bed under the low ceiling.
And you, it turns out, is not the first!
You are the second!
Though you are the only one.
The second is always the only one.
And how many were the first and you will not know.
And still she does not understand and does not feel and looks with curiosity:
- So to me - to lie down?
- Yes, you suffocated, - still!
- Well, just do not tremble. You, some kind of wild.
- Come on "you."
“I can't, I don't know you at all.”
She is right.
What did you offer to meet her?
Exhausted, exhausted, fell asleep in this feather bed, as in a furnace.
Woke up, went out into the canopy - sauerkraut with a hand from a barrel.
Fingers licked, grabbed a salted cucumber ...
And they began to look around: where did they go?
Brains and heart in panic
You are terrified.
And the body, like all traitors, escaped.
And here is mom with a towel and bread - with salt.
Dog with a growl.
Dad with moonshine.
Brother with family.
Nephew from the traffic police with accordion.
Grandfather with a goat.
Now it's all yours.
Congratulations!..