Текст песни Mark Silverman - The Aristocrats

A man walks into a talent agent's office
The agent says what do you have for me
He says I have got an act that you've never seen before
it's fun for the entire family!

Well the agent he looks skeptical as agents often do
And he says come on brother, I have seen it all!
But I'll give you five minutes to show me what you've got
There's other acts out waiting in the hall

So the father grabs the mother who was waiting by the doorway
And the mother grabs the daughter and the son
The gentlemen both bow and the ladies both curtsy
And the father says c'mon let's have some fun!

Then the father takes his daughter and he bends the young girl over
And he puts on a condom of sandpaper
And he chafes her and he scrapes her while he rapes her with his rapier
And then he proceeds to rip apart her rectum

And then the mother takes her son and fellates him 'till he comes
And then she grabs his balls and bites off both of those
Then she gouges out his eyes and sticks his balls into the sockets
And soon sperm begins to spurt out of his nose

Then the father takes a knife and he sticks it in his wife
And he sticks it up between her legs as well
He puts his fingers in the blood and he draws a pentagram
Then he summons up Satan straight from hell

And Satan tips his hat and he does a soft-shoe dance
And he tells a funny joke about god's son
Then he lets out a roar and he starts a new world war
And he rules the earth for a millennium

The father takes a bow, he wipes the sweat off of his brow
He says I really hope that you enjoyed that
The agent looks sick, he says what do you call this schtick?
The man says ... The Artistocrats!

The Artistocrats, The Artistocrats
that's the way we became The Artistocrats!