Lyrics Epic Rap Battles of History Season 3 - Donald Trump VS Ebenezer Scrooge

Donald Trump:

Wake up, Scrooge! I'm about to take a Dickens of a dump

On this lonely, homely little miserable grump!

I'm like the star on a Christmas tree! You're like the stump!

I'm not known for my heart, but you're still getting trumped!

You remind me of my ex-wife in a bikini 'cause you disgust me.

Keep your TB from Tiny Timmy away from me; don't even touch me!

I don't shake hands; I don't make fans!

I ruin rappers faster than Scottish lands!

Even Jay-Z knows what a pimp I am!

I got my name on the front of the business, man!

My raps will haunt you, make you think you're going insane!

You're about to get whooped by three emcees of the ethereal plane,

So when the clock strikes, prepare to enter a world of Christmas pain,

'Cause I'm out! I got my own f***ing problems, call me 2 Chainz!

Ebenezer Scrooge:

How dare you disturb me when I'm napping in my chair!

You're a crappy rap-spitting apparition! I ain't scared

Of this random phantom! Haunt all you want; I don't care!

I do not believe in ghosts, and I don't believe that hair!

J. P. Morgan:

Don't panic, Scrooge, but you're about to crash!

I'm J. P. Morgan, the Ghost of Rich Dudes Past,

Who's properly rocking the Monopoly mustache!

Yo, I own the railroad! I run these tracks!

You got dumped on a bench; now you're pissed at the world!

You should have made like Sebastian and kissed the girl

Because your greed is the curse that's gonna tear you apart!

What good is your purse if you're poor in your heart?

Ebenezer Scrooge:

Bah, humbug! Your raps don't unnerve me; they're atrocious!

What frightens me the most is your gross ghost proboscis!

Business and success: that's the life I've selected,

So enough with your pictures from the past! I'm not affected!

Kanye West:

Well, you're about to be right now!

I'm the ghost of what's right now!

(Aah!) Just take a lesson from Yeezy!

You're missing the point, Ebeneezy!

There's more to life than your work; take it easy!

Even I can make time for Azizy!

Best put some friends on your wish list,

'Cause you don't know the spirit of Christmas!

If you did, then you would, at this moment, (aah!)

Be sharing your money with some of the homeless!

Ebenezer Scrooge:

No! This isn't happening!

Oh, this is maddening agony! Wait! Actually,

Harkening back to the dead Donald's lecture,

I still am expecting a final specter!

The Ghost of Christmas Yet to Come:

Boo! (Ah!) You're gonna die

With no one to love you and no one to cry!

Alone by yourself on the bed of your death

With the stench of regret on your last dying breath,

'Cause you've chosen the path of a selfish man

With Tiny Tim's innocent blood on your hands!

The penance you pay for the way you behave

Is written as plain as the name on this grave!

Ebenezer Scrooge:

Are these the shadows of things that will be? Or things that may be, only?

If I depart from my course, can they change? Say it is thus with what you show me!

I promise to mend my ways! A friend to all men is what I will become!

It's Christmas! I haven't missed my chance to be different! God bless us, every—